Saturday, November 22, 2003

ok. ya noe who has not called me for da past few days, most prob being scared off by wat i say a few days ago or maybe bz helping its parents wif stuffs. Hari Raya is coming and my whole house is bz wif cleaning up da whole house. i haf juz finish cleaning my windows and i muz say it lookn good. I tot i could protect myself if it ever appears but instead its like deja vu all over again. I mean, its like da feeling never ends. Its soo darn irratating and i dun wanna feel dis way anymore. Tats y i decided to plan my schedule from next week onwards as to keep myself damn bz so dun reali tink alot abt him. Maybe i sshld juz treat da mater as one should treat sum one who has died. Juz move on. Don't wanna look back but its soo hard. I am goingt o concentrate on studies and juz gave myself goals. I dun reali care abt him. His like history. I tot tat facing him could make me stronger but instead it makes me feel more vulnerable as usual. I haf been thinking abt my behaviour and attitude for my self and for once, i realise tat i had major flaws such as loves to complain and whining alot. Darn! i tot i outgrew tat wen i was young but hey, its still in me. I reali haf to kick da habit. Shold be more patient and dun sweat da small stuff tat easily. I lok at da glass and saw it half full. i wanna be like tat for da rest of my life. I m an eternal optimist and insside of me, no matter wat happen, i wil always keep on hoping even if da odds are stack agst me. I haf to learn to reali curb my bad habit and i try not to let pride get in my way, cz i noe tat pride is an damn ugly thing.


[7:37 AM]
Learning to fall ;
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